6 Steps to Take to Embrace Life Head-On
There Is Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself
Those words were said with tremendous conviction by Franklin Delano Roosevelt back in 1933 at his Inaugural Presidential Address, and given the economic conditions of that time, it is no wonder that those same words are echoing around the world once again. Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; and is most often articulated as the feeling or condition of being afraid. As with all moments where we find ourselves at a crossroads, that good old “fight or flight” response kicks in, and the direction we choose determines a set of immediate to short-term events that impact the rest of our lives. Oftentimes, we know what we should do next but we hesitate, procrastinate, feel a generalized sense of paralysis, as we fear not only the issue or thing itself but also fear making the wrong decision or not being able to handle the outcome. Sound familiar?
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
Often, we can placate our fears simply be taking action. A sense of productive momentum can usually work wonders or at least get us through the day. Here are active steps you can take to firmly set your course:
1. The 5 Why’s: This is a quality tool that I use frequently in my own life and encourage others to use in a variety of situations. The “5 why’s” is an activity that simply starts with a statement that is stuck in your head, such as, “I’m afraid” and asks the first “Why?”. You might answer, “Because I might not find another job”, at which point you ask a second “why”, such as “Why is not finding another job considered scary?”. This may yield a response such as, ” Because I’ve always had a job and been able to provide for my family”. The third why and beyond gets you into the real heart of the matter. Variations on responses might include feeling “less than” which means your sense of identity has been shaken to the core, or “I’ll starve” which hits upon basic, physical needs, or “being found inadequate and being left behind” which are fears around social needs. Write down whatever you come up with as this will guide your next steps, because awareness is the first step in creating real change.
2. Uncover Your F.E.A.R.: The word FEAR also serves as an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real. Look at your 5 Why’s again. Determine which are truly real and likely outcomes and which might be truly perceptual yet unfounded, in nature. Keep in mind that each could be seen as real or imagined by different people. A recent article in The Atlantic by Don Peck around the impacts of extended joblessness captured the sense of failure felt by men and the toll it can take on their marriages. In this instance, the strength of the marriage is ultimately the determinant of whether the “fear of being left” is very real or more of a false perception. How do you know? Face your fear and ASK. Talk about it. The current economy has many people taking about things previously left unsaid, or taken to a level where raw vulnerabilities are exposed. Uncomfortable, yes, yet ultimately necessary.
3. What-If’s: For each Why response, go ahead and ask yourself, “What If?” as a practical yet theoretical exercise. This allows you to philosophically ferret out likely versus unlikely scenarios and in many cases relieve the magnitude of the fear surrounding them. You may find it helpful to pretend someone else is asking you for this advice instead, in order to depersonalize it for you. So long as you can see what actions can be taken around any given scenario, the less likely you are to fear it, because you’ve now given yourself the sense that you can “do” something. Personal power comes from confidence. Confidence comes from knowing who you are and what you can do when called upon. These coping strategies are what will help you survive a crisis.
4. Get Grounded: In order to build confidence, you must start with the core belief that you are a good person, you are a worthy human being, and that you will survive whatever confronts you today. Whether you take a walk, pray, meditate, work out or whatever your prefer, get grounded. Imagine scooping out of yourself all the worry, anxiety and fear, and throwing it out with the weekly trash. Practice deep breathing, positive affirmations, and find a sense of inner peace. Tune out all worries and potential distractions. Reflect on what is good in your life and give those things more weight than the bad. Think about successes you have achieved at earlier points in your life. Remind yourself what is most important. This is, in essence, your starting point.
5. Get Help: This is not a sign of weakness. I repeat, this is not a sign of weakness. Think of it this way… no matter if you are 21 or 41 or 61, you are still “growing up” in some way. You still have things to learn. The world is changing. People change. Solutions change. You change. At any given time, you may find yourself in new and uncharted territory. If that isn’t enough to persuade you, remember this famous quote by Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it”. Get help getting grounded, in approaching a specific problem, with your resume and job search approach, or whatever it is that you perceive to be the biggest barrier to your continued success and happiness. And remember, too, that sometimes what we need help with is the act of letting go. If something simply is no longer sustainable, let it go.
6. Fight, Not Flight: You will never outrun your fear. It isn’t possible. You can hide from it for awhile, but it will find you, catch up to you, and force you to reckon with it. Change is inevitable, too, as we find new solutions to problems, or change our attitude to lessen the weight of a problem. It is one of those truly common bonds of human nature. So, identify your fears, throw them on the table in front of you, break them into manageable chunks, and get help – face those fears head on. You’ll be stronger and wiser for it. Plus, you’ll be able to remember this as one of your successes the next time fear takes hold.
Keep your faith in yourself, stay the course, and don’t give up. You can do this!
-Lisa
Franklin D. Roosevelt, Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933, as published in Samuel Rosenman, ed., The Public Papers of Franklin D. Roosevelt, Volume Two: The Year of Crisis, 1933 (New York: Random House, 1938), 11–16. http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5057/
